In the last edition I wrote about writing to heal the body. In this second of three articles, I will address how journaling your concerns can de-stress your life and mind.

Philosopher and psychologist William James once said, “If you can change your mind, you can change your life” – and journaling can help you do just that! I assign many types of writing assignments to clients, as the therapeutic benefits are many. Three of my favorite ways to de-stress through writing are:

Gratitude Journal. Write just 3 things every day for which you are grateful. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big or small thing, the requirement is that it’s sincere. Think of the “small” things for a minute: when was the last time you felt grateful for clean drinking water? Unless you’ve spent time in a third-world country, or been a victim of a natural disaster, you’ve likely taken this for granted. Sincere gratitude expressed daily will open your eyes to all that’s right and good around you. Over time, it will become your habit to look for the silver lining in every cloud you encounter. Not only will it improve your outlook and your mood, it will boost your body’s overall ability to manage stress, which will result in a healthier, happier you.
Free Writing. This is when you just put pen to paper and write. Don’t think, don’t punctuate, just write. Fill a page, then read over (hopefully it’s legible enough) what you wrote. You will likely be surprised at what came out on your paper. Many times there are deep frustrations, false beliefs, and anger that you’ve had festering inside on a subconscious level. Any time you write a thought, you bring out the intangible and make it real. Once it is real, you can process it, and when you’re done with the negative, you can throw it away. It is so empowering to be able to “toss” your worries away!
“Reality Check” Writing. A friend and mentor taught me this technique, and I use it often. This one can take a while, so make sure you’re good and comfortable, with plenty of time before you begin. Take out a piece of paper and list everything that is bugging you. Number the items, and detail exactly why you are irritated with each situation. Make sure you’ve written until you feel that everything is out. When you are finished, take out a fresh paper. On this list, you will address each item of irritation, and you will answer it with Truth. To do this, you will look at each item without the distortion of emotion – you will take a step back from the situation you’ve written about – and you will look at the bigger picture. As you do this you will notice that there is a different way to see your problems, and you will feel a shift as you do so. You’ll see the good through the bad, and you’ll recognize growth and learning in your troubles and stresses. This exercise is perfectly effective, as it broadens your mind to infinite possibilities. Tame your negative thoughts with Truth!

One interesting side-note about journaling: it matters that you use a pen/pencil and paper. You won’t get quite the same result if you type your feelings, as there is something healing about creating letters with your own hand. Try expressing feelings on paper and see if it doesn’t cool your brain, slow your breathing, clear your thoughts, and deepen your sleep. What better gift could you give yourself than the gift of a calm, balanced, and relaxed mind?

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Do you ever feel inadequate? Is your best effort never good enough? Do you sometimes feel a need to pretend to be someone you’re not so you can fit in? If so, you may be somewhat of a perfectionist. Perfectionism is defined as a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ opinions. Of course, this is unrealistic, and often ends in depression and feelings of low self-worth.

The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. So why do we do this? And more importantly, how can we stop? As I’ve explored this self-destructive issue, I’ve come up with some causes and their solutions. It’s important to note that we are inundated with conflicting and destructive messages from both within and outside of ourselves. Below are some of the ways we are negatively influenced, along with some helpful solutions:

Inner Critic – That nagging, negative self-talk that compels us to compare ourselves to others, demeans us, and consistently reminds us of how inadequate we are.

Solution: First, realize you are not alone – everyone struggles (or has at one time) with this. The Inner Critic would have you believe you are the only one who feels this way -- that’s one big reason it is so effective. So, knowing this is true, talk back to it. OK maybe not out loud when you’re in public, but talk back nonetheless – until it stops. This takes practice, but over time you will train your mind to think more positively (and correctly) about yourself.

Which brings us to the second thing you can do -open up your awareness to others. Look around. Do you really think you’re the only one being hard on yourself? Not by a long shot! Everyone else is struggling with something – guaranteed. So reach out to others with genuine compassion, knowing that they too are striving to keep up with what they believe comes easily to everyone else. Third, quit comparing yourself to others. When you do that, you are always pitting your weakness against another’s strength. Never a fair comparison.
Outside Influences – For the sake of length I’m going to stick to women’s fashion magazines, since they are so pervasive. What message do they send? That as long as we are young, beautiful, skinny, rich, popular, etc we will be happy. The next time you’re in the grocery check-out line, pay attention to the women’s magazines, and their conflicting messages: Try our latest diet – guaranteed to take off 10 pounds in a week! Really? Of course, there’s an airbrushed model for you to see so you really get the picture. You’ll usually notice off to the side of the magazine cover there’s a chocolate cake with the recipe included inside. Hmm, is this for the reward after you’ve followed the diet and lost those 10 pounds in 7 days? Do you see how impossible all that is?

Solution: Look at the bigger picture – see the truth behind the facade. These messages tell us to compare ourselves to others, feel bad about ourselves, then buy their products to make it all better – all for the purpose of the magazines making money off their advertising space. It has nothing to do with us, just our money.

Whether our conflicts come from the Inner Critic or outside influences, the bottom line is fear – fear of rejection: People won’t like me if they know the real me. Fear of failure: If I don’t achieve the highest standards it is a reflection of my incompetence, and proof that I am incapable. Fear of not being accepted: If I say that, people will mock me – I won’t fit in. These fears are endless. They are destructive, completely false, and definitely keep us from being our true selves. The good news is that we can overcome!

Ask quality questions:

What’s going to happen if my project fails?
What can I learn from this?
What is one thing I can improve?
What will I do differently next time?

These questions empower us to take lessons where we can, and make realistic changes and improvements instead of beating ourselves up.

We were put on this earth to be happy, joyful, productive, giving, kind, and to strive for doing our best while being our perfectly flawed selves. I heard a thought -provoking quote this week by a young mom trying to keep up with it all – “I’m a piece of work, and a work in progress.” Aren’t we all?

So tell your Inner Critic to take a hike, put the fashion magazine down, and go talk to a friend – you’re more than enough, so lighten up!

Lighten Up!

(sung to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It”)

When life’s got you overrun,
Then lighten up.
Think of all the good you’ve done
And lighten up.
If your job is just half done and
Your big battle’s just half won,
Pat yourself on half your back
and lighten up.

If you’re feeling loaded down
Then lighten up.
Shrug your shoulders, sing a song,
And lighten up.
With a friend or two beside you
And Heaven’s love to guide you,
Let some sunshine back inside you—
Lighten up!

Song adapted from Chieko Okasaki’s book “Lighten Up!”

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